This has been in my drafts since 9/15/21

This year has been especially difficult. Emotionally and physically draining. I love what I do. I really do. I love being a mom, an aunt, an entrepreneur, and I love creating. But it is really getting difficult. 

My sister has a lot of health issues. She probably won't like me discussing this so openly, but honestly it isn't fair for me to have to keep everything bottled in. For my business to continue to suffer without explanation. She has three beautiful girls. Malia is just 4 years old and is such a kind loving little girl. Then we have Rebelle and Ryatt who are 7 month old twins but they were born at 27 weeks. Since their birth, my sister Ashley has had a lot of ups and downs as far as her health. 

The twins were released from the NICU at about 3 months old. Since then I have had them several times for either several days or a little over a week at a time. It's hard. They are such easy babies but when there's two you are pulled in every direction, especially when I have my own five children. So when I have my nieces it is 8 children total. 11 years old and under. For perspective, when my oldest three are in school- that leaves me with FIVE children under the age of four.

I get the super mom comments and it is nice, but I hope my children see it that way. That I am not trying to be impatient with them or snippy or nagging. I just need you to do your chore, JoJo, so I am not tripping over toys on the way to the pack n play. I need you to just hold a baby for one more minute, Timber, I know it's a lot to ask you but I just need to finish giving everyone a bath before bed. I know you don't want to hang up the cloth diapers, Talon, but they need to dry sooner rather than later. It's tough sharing toys Takoah, but your baby brother Tabor loves playing with you and it is actually helpful that you play with him. Malia, I know you miss mommy and I am sure she misses you just as much but she just needs to be away to get better right now. 

The first day or two of Ashley being in the hospital, I am a mess. I go between being mad at her for springing this on me again to being extremely sad and worried that what if this time she doesn't get better. Then I will feel guilty. By the second or third day is when I start to enjoy having the girls here. Ryatt is such a little cheeseball and Rebelle is snuggle butt with a dimple that just melts you all over. 

This is effecting my business. When Rebelle and Ryatt are here, I give them all I can. I get behind on work. I may have to cancel an event tomorrow even after preparing for it and paying for it. I slow down on responding to messages. Makes me sick. I don't want to feel like I need to choose between caring for the babies and work. I want to succeed at both. 

It is only the middle of September and I have already had the babies twice this month. I have already cancelled an event this month because of not being prepared from having them. This time is a little different. I only have Ryatt because unfortunately Rebelle is in the hospital with pneumonia. I was at the hospital with her until early this morning. That is why I may need to cancel this weekend as I don't know when I can pick her up. They were already telling me they needed to call DCF if I didn't drop everything and get to the hospital right away. So right now Ashley and Rebelle are both unwell, they were in the ER together yesterday. 


I wrote this blog on 09/15/2021. I am finding it and reading it now on 9/4/22, almost a year later. If I only knew then what I know now. The year was only going to get much much worse. 

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